Over the last few years, I’ve made goals for the following categories: Health, Wealth, Happiness, and Learning.  This year I’m going to add some travel goals. 

My two rules for goals are:

1. Make a Plan: the Process is more Important than the goal.
2. Goals are Fluid:  Drop the goal if you decide you don’t care about it.

Here are my 2023 Goals (for now):

Health

Weigh 220 (Currently 230)

Deadlift 500 pounds @ 220 Bodyweight

Two Hand Dunk

Run the Nashville ½ marathon

Basketball 2-3x / week

Complete 1000 workouts with my online weightlifting coach (Currently at 845)

Work

$X Million in Sales (Keeping the number personal)

100 Reviews for Archway Roofing

Happiness

Call a Friend ONCE a Week for a longer conversation

Stop Attaching to People/Things

Treat Family and Friends better than Customers

Learning

40 Hours of Spanish Study

20 Hours of Handgun Lessons/Practice

Read 20 Books (5 per quarter)

Travel

Montana Trip

One Trip Out of US

One Roofing Conference Trip

Word for the Year – Detach

Over the past few years, I’ve tried to write a year in review.  It’s not perfect. I forgot alot of things that happened.  Some of the stuff I’m writing makes me sounds smarter than I am.  And, hopefully, I’ll look back on this post in a few years and realize how dumb I was.  That will mean I’ve grown.  For the review, I write: what went well, what didn’t go well, and what I learned.  I’ve also added my favorite books.  Here we go.

What Went Well

Lost Weight  – In July, I went on a trip to Florida with some buddies.  One day, we played basketball outside.  My buddy videoed it.  I had my shirt off and did not like what I saw.  When I got back to Nashville, I started playing basketball three times a week, stuck with a diet, and lowered my beer drinking.  From July to October, I went from 252 pounds to just under 230.  I’ve tried to lose weight just by dieting and that’s never worked for me.  Playing sports seems to be the only cardio I can consistently do. 

Friendship – It’s not ideal, but I could be single for the rest of my life.   However, I couldn’t make it without good friends. Since I’ve been back in Nashville, I’ve built a great group of friends.  Early morning basketball has helped me reconnect with a lot of guys I grew up with or went to college with.  I still miss old friends from the different cities I’ve lived.  That’s the thing that sucks about moving, you make new friends but you lose old ones.

Improved Habits – I quit tobacco.  I lost weight. I improved my sleep.  Cutting bad habits is just as important as making new ones. I also know I’m a few bad decisions from going back to my old habits.

Workouts – Here were my best lifts this year:

Press – 185

Bench – 275 x 2

Squat – 407 (Lifetime PR)

Deadlift – 473

I set one PR (in the squat).  But, losing 20 pounds stole some of my gains. The reason I say working out went well was because I stayed consistent.  Here were the number of weightlifting workouts I completed each month:

January – 13

February – 11

March – 12

April – 13

May – 15

June – 8

July – 12

August – 11

September – 14

October – 15

November – 13

December – 10

What Didn’t Go Well

Travel – I went to the beach twice, NYC and Arizona for a bachelor party.  But, I still haven’t been out of the country in a few years.  Hopefully that changes in 2023.

Had a Breakup – It was the right move but still didn’t feel great.  She was a good person and we had a lot in common, but I prioritized other pursuits instead of her and it ended. 

Business – Archway Roofing had a fine year.  We didn’t meet the sales goal I had in mind at the beginning of 2022, but Nashville also didn’t have any bad storms like we the previous two years.  I’m still excited about the direction of the company and think we have a great group that’s ready to grow. 

What I learned

Stop attaching to people and things.  Most of my disappointments come from high expectations.  I can be happy with everything I have right now.  A new person or possession shouldn’t affect how I feel.

Force yourself to be uncomfortable.   The dopamine from achieving goals and overcoming obstacles is awesome.  The only way to get that dopamine is by forcing myself to do hard things.

Get sun in your eyes when you wake up.  This has helped my sleep more than anything else.  Getting sun in your eyes starts your circadian rhythm and helps your body both wake up and fall asleep easier.

Favorite Books I Read

All the Light We Cannot See by  Anthony Doerr – During Christmas, my mom made the comment that all good books are about war.  She’s kinda right.  A book about a blind girl and two orphans during WWII doesn’t sound like my style, but it was a gut wrencher.  As soon as I finished, I felt sad it was over.

Debt: The First 5000 Years by David Graeber – Do you use money?  Ok.  Read this book.

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand – I didn’t read this book for a long time.  Maybe it was because Angelina Joe Lee made a movie about it.  I don’t know.  But, I was wrong.  Louie Zamporini was a badass and this book was the shit.  If you need another book about being stranded in the ocean, read Kon-Tiki.

Awareness by Anthony De Mello – I read a little bit of this book every morning.  It felt like meditation.  I think it’s a good idea to read some philosophy every morning to get your mind right.  Awareness is a good book to start.

The Road by Cormac McCarthy – I cried at the end of the book.  Any book that makes me cry is an automatic favorite.

I haven’t written a post in a long time.  I almost didn’t write this one.  But, I want to write more, so I simplified the lessons and left out the explanations. 

1. You could use more sleep.
2. Get sunlight in your eyes at the beginning and end of the day.
3. Wait 24 hours to argue with your brother.
4. Give the Bo Berry Biscuits at Bojangles a chance.
5. Play sports, especially as you get older.
6. Don’t play golf if you don’t like it.
7. Shit eating grins give you courage.
8. You can be happy without pizza, sex, or a mortgage.
9. Don’t suggest a separation in a moment of frustration.
10. Wendy’s was the best fast food restaurant in the 90’s.
11. Most business books could be a blog post.
12. Games on your phone are productivity wasters.
13. Take advantage of being an adult.
14. Drive if a trip is seven hours or less.
15. Slippery slopes aren’t as dangerous as they seem.
16. Boredom kills progress.
17. Good qualities always have a flip side: Funny people are mean; fit people are boring.
18. People don’t change that much.
19. No matter how bad your day is, you’ll be in your bed at night.
20. Synthetic sugar food sucks; Synthetic sugar drinks are the best.
21. Tell people they did a good job.
22. Problems make life worth living.
23. In a negotiation, the person who cares less wins.
24. Extremes get attention.
25. Say “Hi” first.
26. The work you choose is more important than how hard you work.
27. Leave the THC at home when traveling to Russia.
28. Spend your life making sure you don’t let yourself down.
29. No aliens existing is more concerning than a lot of aliens existing.
30. Think in probabilities not certainties.
31. People would rather be unhappy than uncertain.
32. Time moves faster as you get older.
33. It’s more important to be kind than right.
34. There are people out there who will be happy when you’re gone.
35. Call your mom more often.
36. Quit drinking so much caffeine.
37. Write down your lessons, so you can remember them when writing this next year.

Here is my annual review for 2020.  I stole this idea from James Clear (author of “Atomic Habits”) and it’s been a lot of fun to do the last few years.  You don’t have to post it like I do, but I encourage everybody to take some time and think about the things that went well and what you’d like to improve for next year. 

Here is what went well, what didn’t go well, and what I learned in 2020.

What Went Well

Archway Roofing – A tornado hit Nashville this year.  It was terrifying for friends who experienced it.  However, if I’m being honest, the week of the tornado was one of the best weeks of my 2020.  I got to spend the whole week helping friends tarp their roofs and protect their homes.  Overall, people in Nashville were amazing.  At one point, volunteers were turned away from certain neighborhoods because there were so many people and not enough to do.  A lot of things about “New Nashville” annoy me, but the week of the tornado reminded me why Nashville is an awesome place to live.

On a personal note, the week of the storm (plus all the other projects we completed) made me thankful I took a risk and switched careers.  It was uncomfortable.  I made mistakes.  I didn’t know what I was doing a lot of the time.  But being able to help people, especially after the storm, made the discomfort of switching careers worth it.  Plus, I get to work with family which not many people ever get to do.

Weightlifting – I’ve been wanting a home gym for years.  Thankfully, Covid forced me to build one.  I don’t think home gyms are for everyone, but I’ve enjoyed being able to train at home.   I do miss the social aspect of the gym and hate people aren’t able to train or make a living as a gym owner right now.  But, building the gym was one of my favorite things about 2020. 

On top of building the gym, I finally reached a few personal records.  In February, I squatted over 400 pounds and deadlifted 500.  I still haven’t pressed 200 or benched 315, but those numbers are within reach.

However, goals are overrated and habits are underrated.   The number of workouts I put in was much more important than the personal goals I achieved.  Here are the number of workouts I did in 2020.

January – 18

February – 13

March – 17

April – 19

May – 17

June – 13

July – 17

August – 17

September – 17

October – 18

November -14

December – 15

Total – 195

No More Tobacco – Get friends who encourage you to be better.  I was lucky enough to make a friend this year who told me to quit dipping.  I listened, and I quit.  I don’t know if I would have quit if she hadn’t said anything.  You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, so find friends who encourage the best out of you.  Sounds simple but it’s not.  Leaving old friends and finding new ones is one of the harder things any of us will ever do.

What Didn’t Go Well

Pushing Myself – When was the last time you did something really hard?  A high school friend of mine and I were having a conversation this year about the last time we did something really hard.  My friend is a success by most measures.  He has done well in his career.  He is raising a great family.  He exercises and eats well.  But the last time he remembers doing something really difficult was being a pledge in his fraternity.  That was over a decade ago.

It got me to thinking about my own life.  When was the last time I really pushed myself past what I thought was possible?  Yes, I do hard things.  I have long days at work.  I lift weights.  But, do I have more to give?  Probably.  I’m not sure what “more” looks like but I know I have can do more. 

Writing – I had a goal to write more this year, but it didn’t happen.  I made excuses.  Writing is hard work and it feels awkward to post my thoughts for people to read. But, it’s worthwhile.  Hopefully, I can make it a habit in 2021. 

Controlling My Tongue – I like to make jokes, but jokes are funny because they’re hurtful.  I like to argue, but arguing is almost always useless.  I speak when I’m angry, and we all know how that usually turns out.

I don’t think I’ll ever get to a point where I never say anything hurtful or reckless, but I definitely need to be more mindful of what comes out of my mouth.  If anybody is reading this and has advice, I’m all ears.

What I Learned

Quit Listening to Amateurs (Especially on the Internet) – The internet is awesome.  You can buy an air fryer while you watch a show about tiger people trying to kill each other.  That’s amazing.  Unfortunately, that same device gives dumb people a platform to spread their dumb ideas.  I’m probably one of those dumb people but it doesn’t make my point untrue. 

Amateurs tend to be overconfident while experts are less confident.  Keep this in mind the next time some keyboard warrior wants to give you the “facts” on Covid or politics or SEC football. They probably don’t know what they are talking about and should probably be ignored.

And, use the block button generously.  This year I blocked several friends on social media.  I love them as real people, but their internet personality was making me dislike them.  Consider doing the same.

Action Cures Anxiety – There are certain things in life like going to the dentist or exercising that you never want to do but are always glad once you’ve done them.  For me, calling customers (especially if they are upset) caused a little anxiety, but every time I made the call, I was glad I did.  If you have things in life causing you anxiety, quit spending all day worrying about them and just act. For big projects or problems, you’re not going to be able to solve them in one day.  So, break those issues into smaller pieces and tackle them from there.   

Don’t Do Dumb Stuff – A big secret to success is avoiding the dumb stuff.  Don’t lie.  Don’t cheat.  Don’t get addicted to drugs.  Don’t punch people because they’re an Alabama football fan.   You know, the obvious stuff.  If you are doing dumb stuff, admit it.  Tell the truth and work to fix those mistakes.  Unless, an Alabama fan starts acting all high and mighty.  Then by all means do what’s necessary to quiet them down. Kidding.  Sort of.   

That’s all for 2020. Excited for all the good stuff 2021 is going to bring. 

Here is my second annual attempt to show everyone how smart I am and how much I’ve learned this year.  Hopefully, I’ll look back on this in the years to come and see how little I really knew.  That’ll be the best test of growth.  Anyway, Here. We. Go.

1. Break Up with Bad Friends – This one sucks! I didn’t even want to write it because it makes me so uncomfortable. But, friends that drag you down or don’t want the best for you need to be broken up with. Just because you grew up together or have been best friends since middle school doesn’t mean they’re good for you. Most guys I know (including me), aren’t mature enough to pull this off so we just let it continue no matter how harmful the relationship is. Just do it and don’t look back. On the business side, break up with bad customers. They’re not worth the trouble.
2. Get Out of the House – People love posting Anthony Bourdain quotes and I’m no different. My favorite one I’ve seen recently is when he said, “I understand there’s a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons and old movies. My whole life is a series of strategems to avoid, and outwit that guy.” I’ve got that guy inside me too, except I’m more of a video games and pizza guy. If you want to avoid that guy, step one is to just get out of the house. Go to the store. Take a walk. Do what you have to do. Once you’ve got momentum, your day will be much more productive.
3. Water It Down – You don’t need a bottle of wine to relax. You don’t need to spend every hour with that special someone. You don’t need the whole pint of ice cream. Add moderation. Enjoy it all just a little watered down.
4. Everything Has a Place – My good friend Ian is a successful dentist and great family guy. I’ve spent a lot of time at his new home during Covid, and he and his girlfriend are great hosts. The house is always organized even with two giant sized dogs as roommates. The reason? Everything has it’s place. There is something about successful people and organization. Not sure what it is but it’s true.
5. One Hard Thing a Day – Like I said earlier, we all have that desire to take it easy. To push things until tomorrow. To become softer. Keep strong by doing one hard thing a day. When actual hard things happen, you’ll be ready because you do hard things.
6. The World is Not as Competitive as You Think – The world feels like a competitive place. And maybe it is. There are tons of successful people out there and I’m glad to know many who are. But there are a lot of average people out there. To stand out may not be as hard as you think. Do the simple things and do them well. In my family owned roofing company, it seems as long as we communicate, show up on time, do the work and fix mistakes, then we’ve differentiated ourselves. And, people are grateful for it. Standing out may not be as difficult as you think.
7. Smile – Try this out. Talk to someone with a straight face and look how they respond. Then, talk to another person with a smile on your face. Who responds more positively? I bet it’s the one you smiled at.
8. Wear Pants – I look dumb in shorts. Not sure why. I just do. Side note: Has Donald Trump ever been seen in the wild in shorts? Then again, maybe I should wear shorts…
9. Uber Eats is For Millionaires – I don’t remember getting an Uber eats meal under $25. If I did one uber eats meal a weeks, that’s $1,500 a year on delivered meals. If you make a modest salary of $40000 a year, you are spending 4% of your income on delivered food.
10. Address the Elephant – Think of the problems you have with your health, your job or your relationships? Now, ask yourself, “Which ones am I putting off?” Face those problems.
11. Make the Call – I hate calling people especially with tough news. That is dumb and an example of not addressing the elephant. Not communicating makes the problem worse. So, when you have hard news to share, don’t wait. Be upfront. Make that phone call.
12. Negotiate Towards Peace – In every relationship, there are negotiations to be made. You negotiate with yourself. We negotiate with our partner. You negotiate with your coworkers. It’s a part of life. Understand both parties want what’s best. That’s ok as long as you both work to create a win-win situation.
13. Accept Change (In the Pandemic) – For me, the most frustrating part of this virus is seeing people refuse to accept that things are different. “You can’t force me to put on a mask.” “I’ll go to the bars whenever I want.” Just accept that things are different and change, in the pandemic and life.
14. Give Credit – Tell people they did a good job.
15. Every Good Side Has a Shadow – Michael Jordan was a vicious teammate which is one reason the Bulls were so good. Hunter S. Thompson lived an insane life which made his writing stand out. Hilariouos friends are always a little mean which is what makes them funny in the first place. Your fit friend isn’t always fun to hang out with. A hard working partner may also not be able to give his or her full attention to the family. Accept that the strengths of others will also be their weakness.
16. Focus on the One Thing – What is one thing that if you improved it, everything else would be better? Focus your effort on that one thing and see what falls into place.
17. Shave Your Head – Ok, don’t cut your hair if you have great hair. But, if you’re going bald , do yourself a favor and shave it off. I had a bald spot and wasted time and money trying to fix it. Just shave it off.
18. Hotels > AirBnB – The sleep in a hotel is always better than an Airbnb. The beds are always better. You control the temperature. You control the lighting. And, you go to bed away from everyone else when you want. Every big Airbnb I’ve stayed in says it sleeps 10 but they’ve only got 3 queen beds and a futon. That sleeps three, not ten.
19. Friends > Money – A friend with a boat is better than owning a boat. But even if they don’t have a boat, a friend is better than gold. I really miss my friends from Buffalo since I moved back to Nashville over a year ago. I make more money now than when I lived in Buffalo but I would pay the difference to have those guys nearby.
20. Home Gyms > Gyms – During the pandemic, I turned my living room into a powerlifting gym. And, it’s the best thing I’ve done in 2020. No commute, no waiting for a squat rack, no feedback on my deadlift form from some 20 year old Captain Fitness. I spent $2000 on my setup and I’d gladly spend another $2000. It’s that worth it to me. Build a home gym.
21. Do a Picnic – Pack some food and drinks. Invite a friend or three. Go to a nice spot outside. Picnics are way better than many bars and restaurants, especially now.
22. Do a Walk – Humans were not meant to be inside all day. It’s not good for us. Whenever you feel a little off, it may be that you just need to get out of the house and go on a walk.
23. Do a Journal – Journaling is not for kids or hermits. It is for anyone working through problems. A journal can feel weird, but over time, it works. Commit to writing just one line a day for a consistent amount of time and see where it leads.
24. Do a Hobby – We weren’t put on this earth to wake up, work, eat dinner, and go to bed. You need something more than the daily grind of life. You need a hobby.
25. Compare Yourself to Who You Were Yesterday; Not Who Others Are Today – I’m a single guy in his 30’s who has started a second career as the low man on the totem pole. Many of my friends are bigger successes than I am. Great! Who cares? Everyone is on their own path dealing with their own problems. You make that path harder when you compare yourself to where others are today. Write down the type of person you want to be. Work to become that person, and one day, it will happen.
26. All Good Things Take Responsibility – Owning a dog, raising a family, getting fit, and building friendships are all great , and they all take responsibility. The best things in life come from taking more responsibility.
27. Put Your Cart Back – The world is full of problems we don’t know how to fix. You want to know one thing you can do to make things better? Put your cart back in the cart corral.
28. Meditation is Hard – Meditation is (supposedly) great. I wouldn’t know even though I’ve tried. Why? Because it’s hard to do.
29. The Toughest Boss is the Best Boss – Steve Jobs, Nick Saban, and countless other famous entrepreneurs are notoriously tough bosses. Their toughness is not the only reason they succeed but it is a big part. They make everyone around them better. Work for people who have high expectations. You will be better for it.
30. Alcohol is worse than I think; Nicotine isn’t as bad I think – Malcolm Gladwell brought this idea up on the Joe Rogan podcast and it’s stuck with me. If you were to rate cigarettes, alcohol and marijuana from least to most damaging, how would you rank them? You’d probably put alcohol as least damaging and cigarettes and weed would be most damaging. But, In Gladwell’s opinion, that order should be reversed. I’ve always accepted that alcohol was the least damaging of the three drugs but in my personal experience, alcohol has caused far more problems than the other two. I’m not sure Gladwell is spot on, but I think he has a point.
31. Breath Through Your Nose – Apparently, we should all breath through our nose not your mouth. I’m not a doctor so that’s all I will say.
32. Joe Rogan isn’t Right About Everything – The last two ideas come from the Joe Rogan podcast. I repeat a lot of what I’ve heard on his show as if it were my own ideas. That’s ok but be careful. The point is to quit taking everything your pastor or spouse or boss says as absolute truth. Test out their ideas. Find friends who will poke holes in your beliefs. If you can’t answer all every objection, you still have more to learn.
33. Anger is Always the Wrong Response – My biggest regrets as a teacher, basketball player, brother, and friend has always been when I lost my cool. It never ends well. Staying calm in an argument is a super power we should all hope to develop.
34. Suffer – “Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life.” – Jerzy Gregorek. No success has ever come from choosing comfort over suffering. Go on the hike, start the side business, make the tough phone call, skip the doughnut. You get the point.
35. Know You’re Going to Die – Ending on a high note. I keep a jar in my living filled with 50 stones. The stones represent the years I have left if I live until 85. Every year, I take one out. It’s morbid but a necessary reminder. We get one of these trips on earth. Don’t stay in a job you hate. Move to the big city. Ask that person out. Quit worrying about things that don’t matter.

If you read until the end, thanks. You probably are a friend with my phone number. Text me which numbers you liked and which ones you’d change.

“Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.” – Bill Gates

I hated dealing with angry parents as a teacher. It would consume my whole day thinking about what I should of said or did. I rarely took the blame and always thought, “If they were better parents…” or “If their kid would just get his act together…” It was useless. And, in reality, many times, it was my fault. I didn’t communicate well. I overpromised and underdelivered. Or, worst of all, I lost my cool. Now that I’m working in “business,” parents have switched to customers but the sentiment is still the same. These lessons are a reminder more for me but maybe you can apply it to yourself:

1. Be Kind – My biggest regrets in life are when I’ve lost my cool. I always regret lashing out. It makes me look like a monster and the chance of repairing the relationship is cut in half. Act and respond as if that person was family or a friend.
2. Prepare – Don’t go into the meeting without the facts. Have the details of what you are going to discuss on paper. You will forget details, so have them on paper to point to when questions come up.
3. Buy Time – You aren’t always going to have time to prepare. A customer will contact you with issues you didn’t see coming. That’s to be expected. Take a breath. Or, ask for some time to think. Most people will give it to you as long as they feel you are working on their side.
4. Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep – I hate letting people down and I don’t enjoy confrontation. So, I overpromise. It works to get the customer calm in the moment, but I often regret overpromising on actions I can’t deliver. Again, buy time and come up with a plan that works for you AND them.
5. Don’t Engage in Disrespect – Work to solve the issue at hand. If the discussion veers off into cursing and name calling, stop it in the moment. Tell them you’ll work through the problem when cooler heads exist. Every problem is figureoutable. No sense in ruining your reputation.

In the end, angry customers are a gift. They give you the opportunity to practice addressing issues. However, there are some customers that aren’t worth the time or effort. Identify those customers and refer them elsewhere.

Never meet your heroes. They won’t live up to your expectations. I haven’t watched the recent Jordan documentary because I don’t want to see the “real” side of Michael Jordan. But, I know it’s there. I’ve seen his Hall of Fame speech. The one he spent not giving thanks but instead trying to put himself over one last time. And, I’ve read other pieces that give the same sentiment. Jordan is still the biggest sports hero in my lifetime but he obviously wasn’t perfect. Thankfully we can learn from the good and bad:

Don’t Be an Asshole – The ’96-’97 Chicago Bulls were awesome. They won 6 championships in 8 years and that season they had the best record of all-time.  The next season, the core of the team broke up. They lost their coach and two best players.  If they stuck together, they would of won at least one more ring.  So, why did they all split?  Because Michael Jordan was an asshole. Jordan hated the GM, Jerry Krause, so what did he do? He bullied his boss. He called him fat and made fun of him in front of the team. A grown man bullied his boss. And what did Krause do in return?  Turn the other cheek?  Ignore it? Hardly.  Krause got “revenge.” He let go of the greatest player of all time.  It was a lose-lose situation and it was Michael’s fault.

Don’t Be an Ass to Your Boss – This point is worth repeating. We’ve all had or will have a boss we think is incompetent.  We all “know” we could do better. But the way to handle this feeling is not to undermine the boss.  Think of everything we missed because Jordan and Krause didn’t get along. Think of how much fun it would have been to see those Bulls teams continue to dominate.  It’s ironic that the San Antonio Spurs, who were one of the most selfless teams of all time, won the championship the next year.  In your life, don’t get even with the boss.  Instead, do the opposite.  Make the boss look great.  Give your boss all the credit.  In the long run, you’re going to need their help.  And, if they are bad, it’s not your job to tell people.

Don’t Have Two Bad Days in a Row – Jordan never had two bad games in a row.  A famous example came late in his career. When Jordan played for the Washington Wizards, he had a game where he scored 6 points.  It was the first time he hadn’t scored double digits in 688 games.  What happened the next night?  He scored 50.  In our life, don’t have two bad days in a row.  If you’re on a diet, don’t have two cheat days in a row.  If you’re working out, don’t miss two consecutive workouts.  At work, don’t have two unproductive weeks.  When you mess up, which you will, don’t beat yourself up.  Once is a fluke.  But two times is the start of a habit.

Meditate – The Bulls spent valuable practice time meditating. And, the team later attributed their success in part to this meditation routine. If a group of Alpha males with world class egos found meditation useful, it can probably help us too.

1+1+1 = 6 – There would be no Michael Jordan without Phil Jackson or Scottie Pippen.  Your capabilities multiply when you have the right people around you.  Spend money to get a personal trainer. Hire great employees at your business. Go to a therapist. Get next to people who want the best for you and have the skills to help.

Don’t Make Decisions When You’re Emotional – After Jordan’s father was murdered, he quit basketball and played minor league baseball.  As a kid, I saw him play both sports live.  And, I can tell you from those experiences, baseball was the wrong decision. There were other factors involved, but Jordan switched to baseball because it’s what his dad loved.  He wasted two years of his prime on an emotional decision to chase someone else’s dream.

We Are Just as Capable of Good and Bad – It’s easy to look back at Jordan and shake your head.  Yes, he punched his own teammate.  Yes, he gambled away millions.  Yes, he was unfaithful to his wife.  But, it’s dangerous to think you would have been any better. Know that you are just as capable of the bad you see in Jordan so that you can guard against it in your own life.

 

Here’s how I’m trying to read more books in 2020.

1. Reading = Your Identity – The first step in becoming a reader is to believe that you are in fact a reader.  Reading is part of who you are.  Once reading is part of your identity, it will pain you to not read.  This trick works for good and bad habits.  Fitness fanatics and cigarette smokers are obvious examples of people who have told themselves that those habits are who they are.  Stopping their habits is tough because that’s what they do.  They wouldn’t know how else to spend their time.  Tell yourself that you’re a reader, and coincidentally, you’ll make time to read.
2. Buy Books on the Spot – If you see a book you want to read, buy it.  The price you pay for a book you put into action is only a fraction of the value you could receive.  I’d gladly spend a lot of money on a book if it meant saving my relationship or getting in better shape or becoming richer.  Don’t wait for a better time to buy the book. Don’t wait for the local library to have the book in stock.  Get the book while it’s on your mind.
3. Stop Reading Books You Don’t Like – Reading will become a habit if it’s enjoyable.  Just because your friends told you “Goldfinch” was great doesn’t mean you have to like it.  Put down books you don’t like and pick up the ones that peak your interest.
4. Audiobooks – Ear buds and iPhones have made listening to books so accessible.  I find audiobooks are easier than print books to consume because you have to actively choose to stop listening by pressing a button on your phone.  Physical books are the opposite.  You have to choose to keep going on.  Start listening to audiobooks. Pick books that are worth listening to more than once so the information can really sink in.
5. In-Between Spaces – People spend a lot of time commuting, doing choirs, and waiting around.  Instead of listening to the radio or scrolling through the Gram, why not use those spaces to read.  Always carry a book (or audiobook) with you, and when the opportunity presents itself, knock out a few pages. 
6. Ask People You Admire What Books They Read – There’s a good chance that the successful people you know have read books that put them on the path to success.  Ask the people you look up to what books changed their lives.  You’ll find that there are some books that get repeated.  If you don’t know any readers, look online for book lists by famous people.  Most successful people have a short list that every person should read.  Find those books.
7. Put Your Phone in Another Room – While you read, put the phone out of reach. Instagram and email can wait, so just get rid of that distraction.  Get away from your phone and into the book.
8. Just Do It – The bottom line is you need to start reading.  You have access to information that could change your life expectancy, save your marriage, or make you wealthy.  So, start. Read books you’re interested in.  Read books that give you a new perspective.  Read books that will help you get out of your own head.  Read books.  Period.

It’s hard to think about Kobe Bryant’s passing.  It’s worse to think of his daughter’s death.

Undoubtedly, fans of Kobe are sad that he died and are simultaneously thinking of their own mortality. He was only 41.

Today, how would people describe Kobe?  He was undoubtedly one of the best basketball players of all time.  Everyone that played with him said he had a world-class work ethic. He seemed like a loving father and husband.  But, his name is also associated with less pleasant adjectives.  Some of those adjectives come with being famous but some were brought by his own actions. 

Now, think about what people would say about you at your funeral?  How would your friends and family describe you?  If you’re rich and famous but described as a jerk, are you really a success? 

It’s the end of January.  We all are working on the goals we set for ourselves.  Some we’ve kept.  Some we’ve abandoned.  One type of goal we should think of adding is a eulogy goal.

The focus of a eulogy goal is to be described positively at your funeral.

To put it simply, would people say you were a good person?

This question is worth asking.

And, while goals are great to have, habits are the key to success. 

What habits can you start today that will have people saying positive things about you when you leave this earth?

Here are some habits we can start now:

-Give one good compliment a day

-Call a friend you’ve lost touch with

-Write a ‘Thank You’ letter to someone you admire

-Do an unexpected favor (clean up, buy a meal, give someone a ride, etc.)

-Greet your partner every time he or she walks through the door

-Kiss your partner before you go to bed

-Put your phone down and listen to your kids

-Negotiate with your spouse towards peace

-Count to ten before responding in anger

-Spend time with your parents

-Be the first to say, “Hello,” when you enter a room

-Post only positive responses on social media (or nothing at all)

-Apologize to someone you’ve hurt

I have a lot of work to do in these areas.  And, it feels a bit awkward to schedule these seemingly obvious behaviors.  But, if they were obvious, we’d do them all the time.

In the end, all that matters is that the people you love, love you back.

This year, I’ve decided to post my first annual review.  Posting this publicly has made me reflect on the good and the bad more than I ever have before.  Plus, it will be interesting to look back at how I’ve grown over time.  The hope is that I’ll look back on this post in the years to come and laugh at how little I really knew.  That will be the best sign of growth.

I got this idea from James Clear who wrote the book Atomic Habits.  Read the book if you haven’t already.

In this post, I’m going to attempt to answer the following three questions:

1. What went well?
2. What didn’t go well?
3. What I learned? 

Here.We.Go.

What Went Well?

Lifting – Getting stronger is my hobby.  Lifting weights gives me confidence and a feeling of control over something in my life.  In the last two years, I’ve switched jobs three times and lived in three different cities.  Choosing to lift every week has given me a feeling of consistency when many other parts of my life feel in transition.

The best decision I made was to hire an online coach.  It’s expensive, but the benefits outweigh the costs.  I’m held accountable. I’m learning more than I would on my own.  If you are serious about getting better at anything, hire a coach.  (Big thanks to my own coaches Caleb and Bekah Krieg! at Krieg Strength in State College, PA.)

My personal records for powerlifting in 2019 were as follows:

Squat – 397 lbs for 1 rep

Bench Press – 275 lbs for 2 reps

Deadlift – 469 lbs for 1 rep

Press – 175 lbs for 1 rep

My goals are to reach the 200, 300, 400, and 500 lb marks in the press, bench press, squat, and deadlift respectively. 

Here are the number of training sessions I put in this year:

Total – 198

January – 18

February – 16

March – 18

April – 15

May – 15

June – 17

July – 16

August – 18

September – 17

October – 15

November – 17

December – 16

Weight Loss – I lost 20 pounds this year.  In March, I weighed 260 pounds.  So fat.  By October, I got down to 235 pounds.  Less fat. 

I tried a couple different diets.  I also added cardio sessions to my workout routines.  But, there’s no secret to weight loss.  Eat less, move more, and stay consistent.

Friends – This year my social circle expanded.  I’m not saying I was a perfect friend, nor do I have data to prove that I have more friends.  I just feel like I have more friends. 

Part of that reason is a shift in my lifestyle.  It was hard to be social when I was a teacher.  People socialize between 7 and 11 PM.  As a teacher, I needed to get ready for bed by 8 PM or else some children were going to get a meaner Mr. House.  Now, I have more control over my schedule and can spend time at night making friends.

Another reason I have more friends is because I put systems in place that made me socialize.  I started a kickball team and invited everyone I met to play.  Those people I invited are my good friends now. I also scheduled weekend trips to see old friends.  Friendship, like any other important part of life, requires planning and effort. 

What Didn’t Go Well?

Travel –I’ve moved across the country several times in the last three years, but I haven’t been out of the United States in a while (except a day trip to Toronto).  This year, I visited buddies in Chicago, New York, Cincinnati, Asheville, and Myrtle Beach.  Unfortunately, I didn’t make any international trips.  I plan to change that in 2020.

Wasting Time – I wasted a lot of time, particularly staring at screens.  I attempted to erase addicting apps on my phone.  I read books on using my phone less.  I don’t have a tv.  I even bought a phone that only allows you to call and text people (https://www.thelightphone.com/).  None of these actions made a difference.  My addiction to my phone is wasting much of my time, and I can’t think of a dumber resource to waste.

Too Hard on Myself – I failed a lot this year.  I missed on sales at work, failed to reach goals in weightlifting, and had dates that were busts. The list goes on.

And, it’s ok.  Failure is a part of the process.  The failures were my fault, but I shouldn’t beat myself up over it. I had the courage to switch careers.  I lifted almost 200 times this year.  And, I didn’t shy away from asking girls out.  I took action. I should be proud of that.

In the end, the sting of failure hurts.  But, the feeling of regret from doing nothing is much worse.

Reading – I read adound 20 books this year.  In my opinion, number of books read per year is a vanity metric.  Reading one book and putting the advice into action is a success.  But, there was more time in my schedule to read more than 20 books.

What Did I Learn?

Negative Feelings are a Gift – People that irritate you are usually showing you something you lack.  For instance, happy couples can annoy single people.  Organized people can irritate the messy.   Fit people can aggravate the out shape.  These annoyances are gift.  The negative feelings point to things we’d like to improve.  So, pay attention to those feeling and work to improve those areas.  But, also, people are annoying.

Success Takes Longer Than You Think – My dad deadlifted 500 pounds this year.  He’s 67 years old.  That’s a world class accomplishment.  He’s trained his deadlift for the better part of a decade now. Ten years is a long time.  I get impatient when I don’t reach my goals in a year.  Successful people are the ones who stick with it after everyone else has quit.

Use Short Term Rewards as Motivation – People are obsessed with feeling good.  It’s part of the reason we drink, practice yoga, listen to music, and do a million other things that are both good and bad for us.  Playing sports and reading make me feel good and have long term benefits. I also feel good when I drink Miller Lite and watch Youtube, but those actions only have short term benefits (unless beer bellies become cool).

One idea is to combine the two different types actions in order to motivate yourself to do more of the positive things that have long term benefits. So, if I’m struggling to motivate myself to read, I’ll make a deal with myself that I can have a beer after I read thirty pages. It’s a win-win. I get the beer and the benefit of learning.

Small Actions Have a Big Impact.  Have a list of small actions you can do any time to improve your mental state.  Here are the things I (try to) do when I’m feeling burnt out or stressed:

• Drink a glass of water
• Call a Friend
• Take a few deep breaths
• Go on a 10-minute walk
• Give somebody a compliment

You Can Do Anything You Want But Not Everything – If you’re going to be a big success at say your job, you are going to have to spend a lot of time on that job.  The world is a competitive place and everyone works hard.  You can’t half-ass it and still succeed.  Unfortunately, the extra time spent on work will take away from the time you spend on friendship or family or health.  That’s a difficult pill to swallow, especially for people who think they can do everything. But, I can’t think of anyone who is super successful who hasn’t had to make sacrifices in other areas of their life.  You can do anything you want, but you can’t do everything.

It’s More Important to Be Kind Than Right – Winning arguments.  Proving people wrong.  Looking smart at the expense of others.  It’s a losing strategy.  It’s better to disappear than argue, especially with people you don’t know.

That’s all I got.  Good luck in 2020!